Updated: Apr 22
Today I was sitting in the park and I had an underlying layer of anxiety, stress perhaps more than anxiety because I was thinking about specific goals that I would like to accomplish. I felt calm and introspective as a I sat with my partners as we enjoyed the sun on our skin. We were chatting quietly as we ate some cucumber and it occurred to my that while I am here in Los Angeles I approach my days in a different way, I don't see each day as a countdown to night fall where I will have either accomplished something or not. I see each day as much less timed and more flowing, I feel like there is more time in each day. I feel more aligned with who I am and who I want to be.
I think a big part of that is allowing myself to enjoy my down time and appreciate it for being exactly what it is. George made an interesting point as we were walking home about procrastination and the peculiar way that sometimes we procrastinate and tell ourselves that we're taking a break but we're still procrastinating and we will in-fact still require that break that we could have taken in the first place. Therefore nurturing ourselves and also allowing ourselves to take responsibility for how our lack of alignment manifests.
Simply going outside to appreciate the outdoors is something I didn't used to do as often as I do within the last year or so. I used to go outside as an escape, a very necessary removal from my surroundings so as to receive clarity. I can recognize that I don't need to escape anymore. I can just be. and along with that comes presence in my relaxation time, and in my focused time. I'm still working on that level of presence and acceptance when I'm not in a space I feel particularly safe. Feeling at peace and protective at the same time is a weird thing isn't it.
So it's interesting I know what I want to be doing more of, but I'm not quite sure how to do more of it and sustain my level of fulfilled wants. All that I need is here now, what I'm holding onto is the way I think it is supposed to happen.
Do you ever notice when your'e at a place of such deep peace and simply observe it? I want to know. When was the last time you felt this way?