Years ago I wrote a blog post on having expectations in relationships and how that can end up hurting you and the other person. And so as I often do because I'm an all or nothing kinda gal I decided I would have absolutely no expectations.
I like to use relationships as an example because I think every interaction is relationship-based including your own relationship to yourself and your goals.
I actually had the opportunity to date a person who preached the inefficacies of having expectations in relationships and through that experience among others I instead adopted the mentality of hope.
While hope is great for people just dipping their toes into doing anything in life...
Today while talking to one of my coaches I realized I was confusing having expectations with having attachments. It is a perfectly acceptable practice in relationships, in life, in business to have expectations. To discuss and plan and expect that those things will be accomplished. If it doesn't go exactly as planned well then that's where the nonattachment comes into place.
But going through life passively and hoping... well that's where you're going to recognize you never truly had any certainty in that particular endeavor.
A little tool for recognizing the difference between hoping and expecting is to close your eyes:
1. Start with hoping, what is something you hope will happen... Maybe it's new work, house, relationship, maybe its more financial abundance, spiritual connectedness...
If you are like me, you will not be able to think of anything that you don't know in your bones won't happen.
2. Close your eyes again and think of something you expect to happen... new work, collaborations, friendships...
Can you recognize the energetic shift that took place?
It's certainty. That deep in your bones, I will do everything I can, it doesn't matter if I hope or not, I know that this will somehow be accomplished kind of certainty.
Hope is for starters... those who are just dipping their toes into creating their own life because those who are creating their own life already know in their bones what they need to do and be and feel to accomplish their goals and make their expectations a reality.
That relationship partner above may have enjoyed their hope and noncommital way of approaching life and that taught me so strongly the power of having expectations without attachment. because all along we have expectations whether or not we decide to. I still expect the things I want to accomplish in a relationship, without a shadow of a doubt I know I will (if I so choose) experience those things, what's changed is who that might be with... Let that sink in.